


Stay

by innogueira



Series: Wherever I go, I’m coming back [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Bearded Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky in Wakanda, Bucky just wants some peace and quiet, Established Relationship, Longing, M/M, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sharing a Bed, armless Bucky, it's just complicated, steve can't chill, steve should chill, there's feelings they just refuse to talk about them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 07:22:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14563941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innogueira/pseuds/innogueira
Summary: "Steve hugged him every time he came back, kissed his cheek before he left, climbed in bed like he never left."Steve arrives in the middle of the night exhausted and climbs in bed with Bucky. He always comes back, but Bucky wishes he'd never leave.





	Stay

**Author's Note:**

> This is another installment in the little Stucky series I have going on. It is canon that Steve visited Bucky in Wakanda before Avengers: Infinity War so this is my take on it. Enjoy and check out my other snippets.

There’s footsteps outside and Bucky grips the knife under his pillow and waits silently for any more movement. He isn’t as paranoid as he was in Bucharest, and the Princess has promised over and over that Wakanda is safe, but it’s hard to shake the constant awareness. He’s improving, in a way. He doesn’t know what time it is, though it’s dark, and he only woke up because the footsteps are heavy.

It’s too early for the kids to wake him up, giggling away as they stir the White Wolf awake, so it’s not them. Unless their pranks start in the middle of the night now. Bucky wouldn’t be surprised. Those kids are little troublemakers, they remind him of a small Steve Rogers and James Barnes.

No, it’s not them, and it’s not hostile either. The footsteps are heavy because the person heading straight into his hut is tired, and it’s definitely not sneaking up him. They would be doing an awful job at it if it was their goal. So Bucky lets go of the knife and closes his eyes again as Steve pulls the cloth curtain aside and walks in.

Bucky can’t remember where Steve’s coming from. He’s told of course, Steve always tells him, but Bucky tries to think about anything else but Steve running into danger, so he never really listens. His heart doesn’t ache as much if he just thinks he’s checking in with the rest of the team. He doesn’t need to know the next location Steve’s beating up people at and getting into more trouble than strictly necessary. Bucky doesn’t listen, but he nods and sometimes tells him to be careful, Who’s gonna feed the goats if I have to go and save your ass?

So he doesn’t know where Steve just came from, but he knows where he’s going. There’s a tired sigh and ruffling of clothes. Bucky doesn’t need to open his eyes to know exactly where Steve is, and he almost tells him that the old t-shirt he just picked up is dirty, but he stops himself, keeping his breathing even so Steve doesn’t know he’s awake.

It’s not like Bucky doesn’t want to welcome him, but he can feel how tired Steve is. His movements are slow and heavy, he’s sighing, and when he climbs in the makeshift bed, he immediately presses his back against Bucky’s and tucks his knees up. Steve’s tired, and if Bucky’s awake, he won’t sleep. So Bucky pretends he’s not and let’s Steve make himself comfortable and it takes exactly 88 seconds, Bucky counted, old habit, before he’s asleep.

Bucky basks in the warmth for a while, barely pressing back against Steve. The position is deliberated, and Bucky can’t help but smile softly. Steve’s always so careful and while sometimes it drives Bucky mad, deep inside he knows it’s only because Steve doesn’t want to step over any boundaries that he doesn’t know Bucky will be comfortable with. 

Steve hesitated in front of Bucky as he woke up from cryo, and only a small smile and a slightly lift of his arm made Steve step closer and wrap his arms tightly around him. Bucky doesn’t know how long they stayed there, his fingers gripping the back of Steve’s jacket, Steve’s face buried against his shoulder. Hugs were easy after that.

It was like learning what was okay in their friendship all over again. Only Bucky barely remembers how things became so easy before. He doesn’t remember a time where it wasn’t okay for James Barnes to hug Steve Rogers, to feel his head when he was burning up with a fever, to pick him up from the floor when he got into a fight, to hit him upside the head when he was being a little shit, to take his hand, to brush his fingers against his skin. 

It was awkward, hesitant at first, but as soon as it was okay to do that, every other time became natural. Steve hugged him every time he came back, kissed his cheek before he left, climbed in bed like he never left.

It’s okay to hold Bucky, Steve knew. Even being trapped under Steve solid body was okay now, because Bucky felt protected, not restrained. He didn’t feel trapped because he knew if anything happened, Steve would be right there. He always was. But Steve’s careful.

Steve doesn’t like to sneak up on him, and while Bucky sees him coming a mile away and can’t be startled, he appreciates the thought. Steve doesn’t like to wrap his arms around Bucky when he arrives in the middle of the night because he doesn’t want to surprised him like that. But he lies down next to him and presses some part of his body against Bucky’s, just a reminder that he’s there. Bucky doesn’t know if Steve knows he’s always wide awake when he does that, or if it thinks the gesture would be enough for an unconscious Bucky to know he’s not alone, that he can lean into him if Bucky wants.

Tonight Steve presses their backs together and it’s an invitation for Bucky to wrap an arm around him when he becomes aware of his presence. It was a rough mission.

Bucky takes a while before slowly getting on his back, before actually getting on his side. He doesn’t reach around him just yet, just watches his shoulders barely moving as he breathes in and out. He was right, he picked up Bucky’s shirt from the chair he had left it on earlier that day. 

Buck shakes his head fondly and rubs his hand gently against the middle of Steve’s shoulders, feeling the knots on his back. He can already see Steve stretching by the lake the next day, or maybe melting under Bucky’s hand as he rubs his neck once he makes Steve sit down on a chair and traps him there until he works out the kinks on his neck and shoulders.

It’s okay, but Bucky doesn’t touch Steve like this very often. He doesn’t know why, but it’s always in these moments that Bucky wants to reach for Steve and just touch. 

He knows why.

His fingers brush up his spine until they bury in the dirty blond hair and comb through the strands that cover Steve’s neck. Bucky wonders how long Steve’s going to let it grow. He likes this length, fits him. 

Bucky can’t cut his hair. He isn’t the same James Barnes, so he doesn’t want to look like him. His hair is long and sometimes it’s up in ponytail, in a bun, braided, whatever hairstyles the kids that have somehow taken a liking to Bucky see fit for him. He lets them, thanks them, and knows he will never cut it higher than his shoulders.

Steve isn’t the same either, and the scruff and the whole rugged look fit him. The King has mentioned Steve is picking up it up from Bucky, and maybe he is, but it suits him. More than the star he got rid of from his chest. More than the clean shave and the short hair.

More than that, Bucky likes to run his fingers through his hair. And so does Steve, as he relaxes under Bucky’s touch and sighs in his sleep. This time it’s not tired, it’s a content sigh and Bucky scoots slightly closer. He doesn’t wrap his arm around Steve just yet.

Bucky knows it’s okay to touch Steve like this but he only does so when Steve comes back from a mission. When he’s so tired he won’t even feel it, much less remember it the next morning. He’s soft and careful and he takes his time because it’s the only time he can do it without feeling guilty.

Not knowing where Steve’s going or who he’s fighting might make this easier for Bucky, the constant coming in and out, but it doesn’t mean his heart doesn’t break everytime Steve leaves. He doesn’t want to touch him like this when Steve’s aware because he doesn’t want to hold him back.

He can’t stop Steve. He can’t be that selfish. There’s no fight Steve can’t go and win, even when it all seems lost. Hell, Steve walked right into enemy territory to save Bucky when everyone told him he was already dead. Bucky couldn’t hold him back like that.

It sounds selfless, but Bucky just doesn’t want to go through the rejection.He can’t stop Steve. No matter how much Bucky shows him he wants him there, Steve can’t turn his back to the world. He might fight governments for Bucky, but he can’t leave innocent people defenceless. Bucky already wonders if there’s ever going to be a day Steve starts sleeping next to him every night, a day that Steve doesn’t leave and comes back a few days later with a cut on his cheek and a black eye. He doesn’t want to him to leave knowing Bucky wants him to stay everytime.

So he touches Steve the way he wishes he could do at any other time when there’s no way the other feels Bucky’s longing. He takes his time, tracing the lines of the body that’s exposed to him, this time the muscles on his back, the curve of his bicep, the dip of his spine, because there’s no other time he can do that without feeling guilty.

His finger tip traces along Steve’s arm until they reach his hand. There’s an arm around him, and Steve moves closer, his back pressed to Bucky’s chest. He’s asleep, but he leans immediately against Bucky’s touch, almost like second nature. Bucky sighs

Steve’s knuckles are rough and Bucky knows there’s dried blood there, even in the dark. It’s Steve’s and it’s not. He wishes he would just stay

Bucky knows he can want. He’s free now, he can crave things, but he’s not stupid enough to think he’s entitled to anything. He’s lucky, really. He’s got a peaceful place to live in, no worries, he’s under a King’s protection, and he has Steve in his arms.

He already has so much more than he deserves, and he can wish all he wants as long as he’s just realistic about it.

Steve’s in his arms today and in a couple of days Bucky will be sleeping alone. It’s okay. It’s enough

Bucky buries his nose against the back of Steve neck and finally presses himself against his back, the big spoon to Steve’s curled body. Bucky’s arm rests on his waist and comes under Steve’s arm until their fingers lock together. They’re pressed together and Bucky wants more. He wants this until the rest of his days.

There’s a light squeeze to his hand and Bucky would think Steve’s awake if his breathing and beating heart weren’t steady, but they are and Steve’s pliant under him. He wishes Steve is never awake when Bucky touches him like this.

Bucky’s lucky, he knows. There’s been death, blood, and ice between them. No matter what the world threw at them, they always managed to come out of it together. He closes his eyes tightly and thinks about all the times they were reunited. 

Steve will leave but he’ll come back.

This is enough

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr @neswrites


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